I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
