When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
