i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
