Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
it glows. i had to have it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
