I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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