"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
