her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
