I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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