I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If I die, sorry about rent.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
