If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize