I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Someone signed my nipple.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
