We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
false alarm. still invincible.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
