Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
