shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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