Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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