Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
