I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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