Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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