I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
