I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
