OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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