We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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