So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
love makes seman taste better
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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