he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
