I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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