I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
