Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
