i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I still have a little drunk in my system
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
