Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
