FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
