Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize