isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
