New low: just hacked my moms facebook
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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