I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
