return my video game
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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