if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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