You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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