p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
