I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
