and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
