His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize