turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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