Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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