someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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