new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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