You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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