I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
why do cheetos always look like penises
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
it was like having sex with a tree stump
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
