So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize