i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
