fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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