I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
