Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
