I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
