If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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