You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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