i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
