but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
