Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
