I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
