She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize