The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
