Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
4 words: hood of his car
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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