She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
