I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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