I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You can't just leave with hair like that
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
