it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
