were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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