Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize