I heard we made out
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
