Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
this just has baby written all over it
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
