The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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