She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
