Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
