and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
