At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
