I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
