Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
