i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Randomize
