My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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