and you said cock pushups were impossible
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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