my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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