Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
