Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
