Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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