Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize